Speaks to my Soul!

New Life Worship's Great I Am

 Natalie Grant's Alive

These two songs have been speaking to my heart lately. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! New Life Worship's song especially has been one that brings me to tears. I'll be having surgery next Monday, so please pray for me this next week!

Where I've been....

So much for being around more often...

Things, as they are for most people, have been busy.

I don't know where to start. Adjusting to 3 kids has been a bit of a chore. I don't parent Duncan the way I did for Isabel and Shawn. Some of that is stripping away the mistakes, and that's a good, wonderful thing. Some of that is out of necessity to keep my sanity with 3 children at home. Some if it is in bad habit to cope with life lately.

Honestly, I've been struggling until recently.

It started around a day or so after I came home from the hospital. As I was laying on the couch, I had the baby next to me and we fell asleep. Next thing I know the baby has rolled off the couch and on to the floor. He was not hurt at all, just startled. Of course I was terrified and furious at myself for making such a stupid mistake! I've raised 2 older children and would have never made such a mistake! How could I forget how to be safe with a baby? That was the first day I was scared I would hurt my baby again.

I began having irrational thoughts, wondering what would happen in a given situation, what would happen if I died, what would happen if he was hurt or died with me. I had some other physical symptoms too and was sure I had postpartum depression. But I kept it hidden for a long time and things started getting worse and worse. I was not myself anymore.

I finally told my husband what I was feeling and debated for a long time whether or not to go into my doctor. A friend confided in me her struggle too with similar feelings and symptoms and urged me to go get checked. Hearing her struggle helped me feel like I wasn't crazy. With her urging, I decided to go see my doctor.

Certain I knew what she was going to say, I told her what was going on and that I was willing to persue any treatment that was safe for both me and my baby. Along with her recommendations, she ran a full blood panel in search of vitamin deficiencies, which could contribute to my "depressed" feelings. I got the results a few days later. My symptoms were confirmed on the blood work, but there were no vitamin deficiencies. She told me I had hyperthyroidisim.

I scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist and had additional bloodwork done. At first my endocrine thought what I had was postpartum thyroiditis. Thank God, I thought, that this will be over soon! My symptoms were a battle daily as I had yet to be prescribed any medication, which is the typical course of action with postpartum thyroiditis. It's thought to go away on it's own eventually. After the bloodwork came back my endo called me again with the news that my hyperthyroid was in fact permanent. I have Grave's Disease.

And so began the battle of medications to prescribe me. I am still a nursing mom and plan to nurse as long as I can. So of course I would want to make sure that the medication I'm taking will be both safe for the baby and myself. The first medication I was given my doctor had to check on it's safety to use while nursing. She confirmed it was indeed safe to use. I called my son's pediatrician about it and got a conflicting report. They said it was absolutely not safe to use while nursing. A higher percentage of the medication leaches into the milk, and though it's not shown to cause any harm to nursing babies, doctors warn against using it in pregnant women due to birth defects. That does not sound safe enough to me.

My son's pediatrician gave me the name of a different drug to use that is compatible with nursing. When calling my doctor on it, she said she declines to prescribe this second drug because it's been shown to cause liver complications. But thankfully, she was willing to prescribe it to me with the caveat that I would watch for symptoms of liver complications. A small price to pay to have a medication that was safe for my baby and will allow me to nurse! Praise the Lord, we're finally on to something!

I was able to take my nursing compatible medication for two weeks, and started having symptoms of liver complications. It really wasn't anything scary or painful...just some random symptom, but since my doc wanted me to pay strict attention to it, I knew I would have to notify her about it. As soon as I had notified her about it, she took me off my med completely and ordered more blood work. For four days I was off my medications as I waited for the results to come back. While I was waiting, God was gracious and merciful and I didn't have a single symptom until the last few hours before I was able to start taking my meds again. The results did come back clean and my symptom was chalked up to something I ate...LOL!

Suffice it to say it's been a bit of a roller coaster around here. Having to deal with the depression and anxiety symptoms, in addition to some other physical symptoms is quite exhausting. Dealing with this on top of everyday life with three children and a husband makes it even more exhausting. So. . .I've been trying to stay on top of everything and in most cases, failing miserably. Blogging has just not been part of what I'm staying on top of.

People have been asking about our adoption...We are still adopting, but it's being put on hold right now. It was on hold for a while to give us time to focus on Duncan. Now we're on hold to give me time to get to my new normal. I am able to say now that I can see some improvement since being on my medicine. And I feel very blessed to be able to get back to myself. I still have some improvements to make, mostly in my personal life. While I was coping with symptoms, I created some bad habits that I'm now trying to break. I am still learning to deal with emotions, which is getting easier to bear and I am thankful for that.

Going forward from here I am hopeful for many things. This has brought me closer to God and I am excited about growing in my relationship with Him even more. I'm also looking forward to having more energy throughout the day, and to get on with life, including the adoption.

I do so hope to come back here and have the time to blog more often. There is so much more besides the adoption that I want to cover. The day to day stuff is important to me and I want to get it on here. Please bear with me, and thank you for being patient with me as I figure this out again.

Open House Saturday at KSU! and a Garden 2012 Update

We had a fun time as always when we went to Manhattan for Open House a couple weekends ago. First we stopped at a pancake feed in Seaton Hall for lunch.

Then we made our way across the Bosco Student Plaza to the Union to go to Varney's Bookstore. While we were there, the KSU Marching Band preformed outside on the Plaza. Duncan did his first Wabash!

I also bought some beautiful flowers from the KSU Horticulture Dept.

Lavender in the middle and Viola around the outside. A couple days after this a rabbit came and ate my violas :(
Eventually we made our way to Call Hall for the infamous ice cream. The kids and I entertained ourselves by taking pictures...

 ...while we were waiting for the line to move.

Enjoying our ice cream! YUM!

 I particularly like this pic!

We also stopped by the Bakery Science Club's bake sale and picked up cookies and tortillas (which were surprisingly authentic!) We used up 4 packages in a week and a half!

We also stopped by Doughboys for some dinner before we left town. As always, the pizza was great!

We had a good day but were incredibly tired the next day. Duncan decided he had to eat twice on the typically 2 hour trip home, so it actually took us somewhere close to 3.5 hours to get back to KC. We were all glad to be out of the car.
In other news, here's what the garden is doing so far this year. Not too much happening, especially since we're dragging our feet getting the veggie garden in. I had no time to plant anything from seed, so I've bought all our tomatoes and will be buying our peppers also. The front yard has had a few pretty blooms.
The blueberry bush is doing great! We're excited to have a few berries ripen this year!

 Here's our Knock-out Rose bush this year!

 This is the rose bush I bought for myself for Mother's Day last year. Truth be told, I'm a little disappointed in this bush. It's only produced two blooms...ever. One last year and this one. :(

 These are cone flowers! I'm excited for these since they were free. When last year's flowers died and dried up, I took the seeds and sprinkled them all over the surrounding area in the garden. This year I've got 5-8 new plants! I love to get flowers for free!

I'm excited to start tackling the assignments Money Saving Mom has on her 4 Weeks to a More Organized Home series. I'm praying my way through these next couple days, that I'll be able to make some good progress, but also trying to remember that any little success is still a success.

4 Weeks to a More Organized Home: Day 3

FINALLY! I got this assignment done! I've been so busy these past few days. It's one of those seasons in life when you can't figure out where your day has gone. Today was particularly difficult and would have been near impossible to get through had it not been for a wonderful family friend, Melissa, and Dylan coming to my rescue.

Shawn woke up sick this morning. I had to get to the grocery store as it was Isabel's day to bring snack for her preschool class. I soon found out there was no way I would be able to get Shawn in the car and down the road without needing to clean up a huge mess. So I called Melissa and she came to take Isa to preschool, stopped by the grocery store and got Isabel's snack, and then came back to the house to help me juggle the boys. Dylan came home for the day and between the three of us we were able to take care of the kiddos. Thankfully around that time Shawn started feeling much better, so I was able to get a bunch done with Dylan home. Here's a run down of the day:

Day 3 Assignment

::Get dressed in something that makes you feel great {there’s something about dressing in clothes that make you feel great that just gives you more energy and zest for life! Get your free copy of SarahMae’s ebook, Frumps to Pumps, if you need more motivation in this.}

I didn't do this today for good reason. I didn't know how many times I would be thrown up on, so I figured there's no reason to ruin my "good" clothes!

::Sit down with a cup of coffee or tea, refer to your list of weekly goals, and make a list of no more than 5-7 specific things you want to accomplish today.

I realize this picture is from 4/26 but that's how long I've been trying to get to this assignment. Don't judge!

::Complete your morning routine {if you don’t have a morning routine, take some time to create one today! Read my How to Develop a Routine That Works–And Stick With It series for step-by-step help.}

Got to the morning routine a little late today. Did a couple loads of laundry to make sure there was nothing gross lying around in the hampers. 

::Set the timer for 15 minutes and do a quick-clean of your bedroom: throw out any trash, put away items that are out of place, get rid of clutter, tidy up, vacuum, and make your bed.

I've gotten to this part of the assignment a couple times now. Here's the first 15 minute before and after.

 and then the second 15 minute session:

Yes, I realize there is still a MOUNTAIN of laundry there, but I am working on it!

::Clean out your freezer(s). If you need step-by-step help, read this guide on How to Clean Out Your Freezer.

FINALLY, it is done! I recruited Dyl to help me with this and together we were done with this project in about 45 minutes. First we got rid of all the things that needed to be thrown out and moved some things down to our deep freezer. We will be tackling that freezer a different day.

Horray for hubbies who clean! Isn't he awesome?!?!

 Yay for a clean freezer! We have more room for freezer cooking meals, so I've got some motivation to get some done.

::Find 7 items to get rid of today. Throw them out, stick them in a donate or garage sale box, give them to a friend who can use them, or list them on Craigslist or eBay.

 Here's what I got rid of a few days ago. The pillow is going to be donated to the crisis pregnancy center we're adopting from, the shoes are being thrown out and the magazines are being recycled. I also have a few other maternity clothes that are going in the donation pile, so I'm counting those also.

I know I've got some work to do, but I also know that if I am too hard on myself right now, I stress about things more than I need to. The season my family is in right now is quite hectic with 3 children 5 and under. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance things around the house and getting my feet steady on a schedule to help through the day. It seems once I do I'm always thrown a curve ball from somewhere, whether it be the baby or just other circumstances in life. Progress and baby steps in the right direction are what I need to focus on and not stress about making significant leaps and bounds all in one day. Thank you so much for your patience with me!

Where've I been this past week!

Sorry for being MIA ya'll.

Life happens, and it did for us this week.

Last Saturday we made a trip to Manhattan to take the kids to the University's Open House. We love to go back and don't get many chances, so Open House has become a bit of a tradition for us. I know I promised a post on our day and I haven't forgotten!

Sunday we were so tired from the day before. Duncan had been going through a growth spurt so his schedule had been a little off all day Saturday. I wanted to give him time to get back on track, so I didn't want to rush him through the morning and start the day stressed out. We only made it to 11 am service and called it a day until EU that evening.

Monday....oh Monday...We got to preschool alright but then I realized we had Duncan's 2 month appointment that afternoon. All went well until he got his vaccinations. 5 total, 4 shots. He hollered (of course) but was able to calm down with nursing and we made it home. He was home for 1.5 hours, happy and content until he fell asleep for naptime. He woke up 2-3 hours later screaming in pain. It was the scariest reaction to vaccinations that any of my kids have had. I could barely get him to calm down with nursing and decided the best thing I could do was just hold him and let him do whatever he wanted. Nursing, sleeping, soothing, etc. Any time I moved he would start screaming in pain. He finally fell asleep for the night around 10 pm and then woke again around 1 am as my normal happy, smiley boy. Thank God!

Needless to say, Monday night was a bit rocky, and Tuesday was a blur. I let Duncan be in charge and followed his schedule. There was no more screaming in pain, praise the Lord! He was running the show all day long and I willingly let him. I just wanted him to lead the way and let me know what he needed. Needless to say I didn't get much done on the list either of those days.

Wednesday was a day I'd like a "REDO" button for. Most everything went well, but I started feeling the pull to get things done. Duncan had different plans. He decided to be back on his "growth spurt" schedule and wanted to nurse every 2 hours. On.the.dot. It was quite exhausting, so whenever I had a moment's rest...I did. I really didn't get much of anything done except a few container plantings done. Those poor plants almost died. :( And I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted.

Today was good, more was accomplished, but most of the time I was feeling pretty drained. Not fun...for me or the kids. D-man decided today was the perfect day to not sleep for longer than 30 minutes for any of his naps. And again he demanded to be fed every 2 hours. So tired....

Tomorrow I'll persevere...I hope. Isabel's P/T conference is tomorrow, so there's no school. Hopefully that will give me time to get a few things done in the morning. Yikes...12:30 am already... better be getting to bed. Night ya'll.

Stay Tuned!

I haven't fallen off the band wagon or forgotten my assignments! Things have been crazy busy around here and I haven't had a good chance to blog about it. I'm considering today my Monday, as yesterday was a very hard day for Duncan. More about that later! Off to tackle the to-do list while I have a few minutes!

4 Weeks to a More Organized Home: Day 2, Attempt 2, Part 3

HAHA! I've finally completed this assignment! Today went very well and was a lot easier than the past few. My mom was here for the morning to take Isa to preschool which freed me up to tackle the day a lot earlier than I usually get to it. Here's the results:

Day 2 Assignment

::Get dressed in something that makes you feel great {there’s something about dressing in clothes that make you feel great that just gives you more energy and zest for life! Get your free copy of SarahMae’s ebook, Frumps to Pumps, if you need more motivation in this.}

So I didn't do this first thing in the morning, but I did get into some "real" clothes before we went out for dinner tonight. Does that count?? (Please say yes!)

::Sit down with a cup of coffee or tea, refer to your list of weekly goals, and make a list of no more than 5-7 specific things you want to accomplish today.

I did do this but forgot to get a picture of it. It's basically the past day's picture only without the *Sort papers* task. 

::Complete your morning routine {if you don’t have a morning routine, take some time to create one today! Read my How to Develop a Routine That Works–And Stick With It series for step-by-step help.}

The morning routine was done by about 11:30 or so! I felt like I was on a roll!

::Set the timer for 15 minutes and do a quick-clean of your kitchen: wash the dishes/load the dishwasher, clear off the countertops, and, if you have time, wipe down the countertops and the outside of the cupboards with wet rag or cleaning cloth.

This was already done a couple days ago. I've been maintaining it pretty well, but may need to take a few extra minutes on it tomorrow. 

::Clean out your refrigerator. There’s a step-by-step guide for cleaning out your refrigerator here.

Here we go! All I accomplished yesterday was throwing out the bad food and paring down what we did have left. Today I was able to get the rest of the fridge cleaned!

 First, the shelves took a bath in the kid's bathtub. Funny story: Shawn sees the shelves upstairs, comes down and asks me about it, stating the bathtub looks like it has "exploded!" I guess you had to be there...anywho..

  While those were soaking, I wiped down the inside of the fridge with soapy water. I replaced everything. Next was the door.

I took off all the shelves and washed them. 

While they were drying I wiped down the door with soapy water, dried it and replaced everything.

YAY!! Everything is clean and I don't have to worry about science experiments escaping in the middle of the night! HUZZAH!

::Find 7 items to get rid of today. Throw them out, stick them in a donate or garage sale box, give them to a friend who can use them, or list them on Craigslist or eBay.

Here's my 7 items for today. 

We'll be going out of town for a bit tomorrow to visit my brother in Manhattan, so I'm planning on doing a post about our fun trip! Can't wait!

4 Weeks to a More Organized Home: Day 2, Attempt 2, Part 2

Yesterday went well for the most part. I was able to start the first steps to cleaning out the fridge, so I'm pretty happy about that. Here's the results of the day.

Day 2 Assignment

::Get dressed in something that makes you feel great {there’s something about dressing in clothes that make you feel great that just gives you more energy and zest for life! Get your free copy of SarahMae’s ebook, Frumps to Pumps, if you need more motivation in this.}

Once again, this didn't happen. I'm still working through a bunch of laundry as I can through the day!

::Sit down with a cup of coffee or tea, refer to your list of weekly goals, and make a list of no more than 5-7 specific things you want to accomplish today.

 This got done, but was more or less exactly like yesterday. Here's the pic 

::Complete your morning routine {if you don’t have a morning routine, take some time to create one today! Read my How to Develop a Routine That Works–And Stick With It series for step-by-step help.}

I got through the morning routine by about 1:30 or so and then tackled the *Sort Papers* task. I wanted to make sure if there were any important papers from the table I cleaned, they were handled quickly. After that I went on to the *Clean Fridge* task.

::Set the timer for 15 minutes and do a quick-clean of your kitchen: wash the dishes/load the dishwasher, clear off the countertops, and, if you have time, wipe down the countertops and the outside of the cupboards with wet rag or cleaning cloth.

This was already done from the night before, so with a little upkeep throughout the day, I didn't have to do this task over again.

::Clean out your refrigerator. There’s a step-by-step guide for cleaning out your refrigerator here.

Here's the run down of the first part of this task.

First, I had to make sure this little guy was happy. Check!

 Next, I took everything out and got rid of any leftovers that hadn't been made within the last couple days. I did find a few science experiments growing, but nothing too scary.

This is the worst part of the fridge. Not too bad!

Here's the fridge empty! No major sticky spots in sight!

The shelves were done not too long ago, but they will be done again this time. I just didn't get them emptied and sorted through yet.

 That's as far as I got. No wiping down of anything, but at least I know there are no more gross things hiding in the back. Duncan decided he was done being in his bouncy.

::Find 7 items to get rid of today. Throw them out, stick them in a donate or garage sale box, give them to a friend who can use them, or list them on Craigslist or eBay.

Nights are starting to get difficult for some reason. Duncan has decided all he wants to do from about dinner time until 11pm or so is fuss and feed. I can't figure out why he's so irritable. I'm really praying this is not the first signs of colic. Hopefully this is just a phase he's going through. I hope it eases up soon. I'll be cleaning the fridge tomorrow, sanitizing and what not. 

4 Weeks to a More Organized Home: Day 2, Attempt 2, Part 1

This day did not start out how I was hoping :( While on the way to drop Isabel off at preschool, our car started making a very odd sound. The engine would rev up and then drop down to it's regular RPM's. It did this continuously all the way to preschool, and since we're supposed to go out of town this weekend, I thought it best to take it in to the shop. Unfortunately, they didn't find anything wrong with it, which I guess is better than finding something wrong. Well, that took me all morning to do, but we got home and I started tackling my list for the day. Here's the results of Day 2, Attempt 2

Day 2 Assignment

::Get dressed in something that makes you feel great {there’s something about dressing in clothes that make you feel great that just gives you more energy and zest for life! Get your free copy of SarahMae’s ebook, Frumps to Pumps, if you need more motivation in this.

This is getting difficult for me for some reason. I'm hoping to change my wardrobe out this weekend. Hopefully I'll get to that after we get back home from our trip. It's just a daytrip so we will be back the same day. I'm tired of looking at winter/maternity clothes and am ready to have my spring/NON-maternity clothes back in the closet!

::Sit down with a cup of coffee or tea, refer to your list of weekly goals, and make a list of no more than 5-7 specific things you want to accomplish today.

::Complete your morning routine {if you don’t have a morning routine, take some time to create one today! Read my How to Develop a Routine That Works–And Stick With It series for step-by-step help.}

My morning routine was complete by 1:30.  Not as good as yesterday, but considering how our morning started, I'm not complaining!

::Set the timer for 15 minutes and do a quick-clean of your kitchen: wash the dishes/load the dishwasher, clear off the countertops, and, if you have time, wipe down the countertops and the outside of the cupboards with wet rag or cleaning cloth.

First, I tackled the coffee table and got the last few things off.

It felt so great to be able to cross that off the list!

Next was the kitchen cleanup. Here's the before pictures:

Blech. I can't believe I'm showing you these! After pictures, PLEASE!

That last picture turned into this:

YAY!!!!  I'm glad I got at least part of the assignment done!

::Clean out your refrigerator. There’s a step-by-step guide for cleaning out your refrigerator here.

::Find 7 items to get rid of today. Throw them out, stick them in a donate or garage sale box, give them to a friend who can use them, or list them on Craigslist or eBay.

I've decided I'm not going to be too legalistic about things, and try to stick spot on to the schedule. If I don't get to something one day, there's always tomorrow. As is such with this assignment. I'll be finishing up the clean out the fridge part tomorrow (April 19th.) I plan to just keep plugging away at these things and not get too caught up in what day they get done. How are things going at your house? Leave me a comment and let me know!